Friday, April 14, 2006

unsexy descriptions of sex

Inspired by this
Laurell K. Hamilton comment

"Wait," he whispered, caressing her bound hands with a light touch. Pierre sensually lifted the remote control and with a dextrous yet gentle finger, unpaused the DVD of "The Lion King".

He returned to Desiree, his warm breath on her trembling neck making her loins vibrate.

Pierre hesitated before commencing with his ravishment of her. "I just have a question," he said, as Desiree strained against her bonds. "Can you feel the love tonight?"

* * *

Antonio looked across the table. Graciela stared back at him, big blue yes brimming over with liquid eye lust.

"Did you enjoy the expensive and elegant meal?" asked Antonio.

"Yes," answered Gabriela, in a totally hot way.

"We have dessert," began Antonio, but Gabriela shushed him with just a look and a shushing gesture. What she said next totally gave Antonio a boner.

"I want your thingy," she said. "I want to touch that thingy, and look at that thingy. All of that thingy. That's what my girl-thingy wants."

Antonio swept the styrofoam cartons aside. He kissed Gabriela with his lips and tongue. "Baby, I want to, you know," he said.

"Yes," she whispered. "I do know."

Then they were totally doing sex.

* * *

Karen broke away from her passionate embrace with Stephen. "I have to ask you something," she said. "What is lembas?"

"Lembas?" he asked. "Why, it's an Elvish waybread invented by Melian, the queen of Doriath. Elves often used it for sustenance during an extended journey."

"So, why do all the girls call you that?"

Stephen blushed. "I didn't know you had heard that nickname. They call me that because I'm very satisfying, and if wrapped in magical leaves, I last a long, long time."

Karen smiled and beckoned to Stephen. He attacked her lips like Beren, son of Barahir, assaulted Angband in his attempt to snatch a Silmaril from the Iron Crown of Morgoth, which was later stolen by dwarves after they sacked the fair land of Doriath.

"O Elbereth! Gilthoniel!" he cried, as he entered her. She felt as soft as the banks of the Brandywine, as rare as mithril.

"Steven," Karen gasped. "Talk Elvish to me."

He smiled. "High-Elven, or Grey-Elven?"


Blogger Michele said...

that last one? totally hot.

if only sushi was working so i could see what laurell k. hamilton comment you're mocking me for. wait, is it the garter belt thing? HOW WAS THAT NOT SEXY?

6:45 PM  
Blogger Sean Keane said...

I was referring to Didofoot's comment, about how Laurell K. Hamilton specializes in unsexy descriptions of sex. Garter belts remain hot, especially if you are an elven princess and immortality is involved.

3:02 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

ahhhhhhhh. you'd think that someone couldn't make a sex scene with 1 woman and 3 men unsexy (2 of which are vampires and 1 is a werewolf), but she does manage it. i think it's the minute descriptions of where they put their hands and the heroine's agonized mental ramblings about how she used to be a "good" girl. and now look at her--letting vampires suck her blood so they can get hard.

11:25 AM  

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